ALICE COOPER / School’s Out (1972)

The title track of the fifth studio album is one of Alice's best known anthems, appearing on dozens of those Best Ever Rock compilations that you find in people's cars.There's no denying its Rock and Roll credentials, but it's morally ambiguous, as is much of the remainder of the album. It's like a Broadway musical with James Dean in the lead, strutting his way through a school themed haze, a flick-knife in his back pocket and a sneer on his lips; fuck with him and he'll cut you, but let him pass and you can run home unharmed. Despite all its charm, it's not the AC album that I turn to when I want to be entertained.

Songs of Note: Luney Tune; My Stars

3 pairs of flammable undies out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Alice Does Alice (2010)

Like it says on the cover, the guy with the girl's name re-recorded five classic songs for this pointless effort (School's Out, I'm Eighteen, No More Mr. Nice Guy, Welcome to My Nightmare, Elected). They don't have the same vibrancy as the originals, but other than that there's nothing wrong with any of them. The songs are timeless and the production is top-notch. I do wonder why he did it, though. It's not like he needs the money. It was a download-only release, so I can’t even trade the damn thing in. Just for that, I'm not even going to rate it. Alice won't give a shit but it'll make me feel better. I'm not averse to small, asinine victories.

Songs of Note: The originals of them all.

_______ out of 5

ALICE COOPER / DaDa (1983)

Alice's 15th album is… well… it just is. It's ignored by most fans and by Cooper himself, who created it during another alcohol daze. But it's not a total washout; its merits lie in the fact that it's more interesting than it is exciting. The lame synth and computer experimentation are the biggest problem, but the occasional flashes of a lucid Alice raise a few songs high above the blandness.
Former Lee Warmer is a classic Alice ballad, eerie, volatile and beautiful. Scarlet and Sheba has the beginnings of the sound that he'd adopt for his sober comeback album a few years later. New arrangements on the remainder could give them the kind of heartbeat they deserve, but that isn't likely to happen.

Songs of Note: DaDa; Former Lee Warmer

1½ twisted keys out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Killer (1971)

The Alice Cooper band's second album of 1971 is even better than the previous one. They kept Bob Ezrin as producer, which was a smart move; all their best work has been with Ezrin. Half of the album still makes it into live shows.
Alice (the man) takes on a number of different roles, revelling in the theatrical aspects of being a performer, and the Hollywood silver screen influences become more prevalent. It's as good as its title suggests.
PS: parents, before you start spitting fury about the song titled Dead Babies, listen to the lyrics. You might just save yourself some embarrassment.

Songs of Note:  Desperado; Dead Babies

4½ ugly stories out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Love it to Death (1971)

Alice released two albums in 1971, of which LitD was the first. It was a pivotal album, introducing the sound that would go on to define them for many, many years: snide rock n roll, teenage rebellion anthems and lyrics that had something real to say. Track 04, Black Juju, is often cited as one of the band's worst tracks, but I can think of a lot worse; the similarity to Pink Floyd's Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun wins me over and I'll defend it even while sober. The highlight is undoubtedly track 08, the catchy Ballad of Dwight Fry; it’s so damn good.

Songs of Note: Is It My Body; Ballad of Dwight Fry

4 penis thumbs out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Dragontown (2001)

Alice's 22nd studio album continued the heavier, grungier sound he'd adopted, but not to the exclusion of all else, there's still melody, there's traditional rock and roll and, of course, a ballad thrown into the mix. Yay! Thankfully, no matter how much he changes, there's always the unassailable essence of Alice underneath.
The lyrics from a number of songs suggest that the titular Dragontown is a part of Brutal Planet (2000). Both albums deal with notions of morality and reflect Alice's views of what constitutes good and evil.

Songs of Note:  Dragontown; The Sentinel

4 dirty tricks out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Brutal Planet (2000)

Alice doesn't jump on bandwagons, but he's always enjoyed toying with other genres. The BP album sees him get heavier than ever, throwing elements of Grunge, Metal and even Industrial into the mix to better represent the themes that the album explores; i.e the degradation of society, corrupted values, domestic violence, loss of freedoms, etc. It's the world we live in through a glass darkly, the 'Brutal Planet' of the title. Alice the storyteller finds a hook that's relevant to us all; you don't need to share his religious views to empathise with the stance.

Songs of Note: Eat Some More; Pick Up The Bones

4 infected minds out of 5

ALICE COOPER / A Fistful of Alice (1997)

A live album recorded at Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The set-list is mostly classic Alice played very straight; some variation would've been nice because as fans we've heard these many times before. The newer material includes two of the worst things he's ever written. I'm not clear on why they were included, but they serve to highlight how much better the older tracks are.
The album ends with a studio track called 'Is Anyone Home?' that was recorded specifically for the release. I've included it in Songs of Note simply because it's new, and some folks might not have heard it before.

Songs of Note: Welcome to My Nightmare; Is Anyone Home?

3 helping hands from Slash and Zombie out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Raise Your Fist and Yell (1987)

Often overlooked by critics, unfairly, in my opinion, Raise Your Fist built upon the groundwork laid down in the previous album and really nailed the merger of traditional rock with traditional heavy metal that Alice would return to some years later, while lyrically it covers the usual ground: rebellion, freedom, lust and, of course, murder. The trilogy of songs that close the album, about a mentally disturbed serial killer and his fascination with prostitutes, raise it well above average - they're reason enough to have the album in your collection.

Songs of Note: Gail; Roses on White Lace

3½ symbiotic functions out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Hey Stoopid (1991)

The phrase 'big gay stadium rock' applies to Hey Stoopid. Female Alice fans loved it. So did guys with perms. The rock star pomp is broken up with the occasional big gay ballad. I don't why but I kinda like Alice's big gay ballads.
The highlight of the album is the final song, which feels out of place alongside the rest. It has some Alice madness lurking under its plastic skin.
But nothing I can say will ever make the album art any less eye-bleeding.

Song of Note: Wind-Up Toy

2½ stalkers on the roof watching you out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Constrictor (1986)

A timely return to the spotlight for Alice after getting himself fixed up in a clinic for people who like their vices a little too much. He'd been gone for three years.
It's cheesy mid-eighties rock and as such is hard to recommend to anyone who didn't discover it close to the era, or someone who isn't interested in the musician's career as a whole. It's not quite hair-metal, but it's definitely girlfriend-metal. You know what I mean. 'Nuff said.

Songs of Note: Teenage Frankenstein; He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)

2½ the nightmare plays it safe out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Zipper Catches Skin (1982)

I'd walk almost any distance, with no shoes, even over glass, to see Alice in concert, but I wouldn't walk across the street in my comfy slippers to see him if he was to just play ZCS in its entirety. Alice claims to have no memory of recording it, suffering from an alcoholism haze at the time. It's not entirely awful. His vocals are okay, but the music is lazy, uninspired, the production is flat and the melodies utterly forgettable. Despite all that, it's still better than Trash (1989).~

Songs of least fail: Tag, You're It; I'm Alive

1 dead pet back from the dead saving your life out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Billion Dollar Babies (1973)

Billion Dollar Babies is the album on which the Alice Cooper band achieved perfection. It's rock n roll Alice style, with theatrical guitars, classic solos, the piano is never far away, and there's even cowbell!
Alice's vocals play games with the listener, a technique that he would use many times thereafter. It's also the album that really exposed the sick side of his brain, which is something that had been touched upon in previous albums. Songs about the apocalypse, dentistry and loving necrophilia have never been so much fun.

Songs of note: I Love the Dead; Billion Dollar Babies

5 militant mothers out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Along Came a Spider (2008)

Along Came a Spider has all the elements Alice is known for but it never quite manages to break out of safe territory. It's heavier than I'd expected but still melodic enough that Alice can have fun with the chorus'. Repeated listens reveal just how well-constructed the songs are within the narrative, which tells the story of The Spider, a serial killer who removes limbs from his victims and wraps the bodies in silk. There was a short promotional movie made for the release, you can find it after this text. The production is very murky, perhaps reflective of the topic, but more openness and freedom might have made better listening.

Songs of Note: Along Came A Spider - The Movie

3 love is never pretty, best keep killing out of 5

ALICE COOPER / The Last Temptation (1994)

Something Alice this way comes. It's the king of theatrical rock back in the chair where he belongs, giving us a full concept album with a cast of weirds and a young boy called Steven (yes, Steven!). There are nods to WtMN musically too, particularly in album opener Sideshow, which sounds both retro and current.
Chris Cornell adds his voice once or twice but can be ignored, along with the first single, Lost in America, which has the dubious honour of being Alice's worst song since Trash. It's easy to make a playlist without it and neither the story nor album flow suffers from its removal. What's doubly great about TLT is that the softer lullaby tracks are equally as interesting as the regular guitar tracks.

Songs of Note: Sideshow; Nothing's Free

4 ringmasters with blackened eyes out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Lace And Whiskey (1977)

Alice took on the role of Maurice Escargot for L+W, a Private Investigator with a love of 40s and 50s movies. The singer was reportedly in a heavy alcoholic haze during the making, so the marriage of 40s and 50s rock with 70s instrumentation maybe seemed like a good idea, but it wasn't a success at the time. Looking back now, it has a certain unique charm that's fun every once in a while. It slips in a number of silver age show tunes but removes the eerie, creepy songs that he was known for. I'm kind of indifferent about it, so I'll give it an average score.

Songs of Note: My God; You and Me

2½ the door opened, then shut out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Trash (1989)

Trash.

Aptly named.

Songs of Note: none

0 pretend it didn't happen out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Welcome to My Nightmare (1975)

Alice's masterpiece began life as a concept album, exploring the nightmares of a troubled individual named Steven. It deviated somewhat from the original idea, but I still regard it as one due to how well its individual parts complement each other, despite their compositional differences. It's a painting in musical form, with vibrant textures and blurred lines that when followed lead back upon themselves.

The inclusion of brass and synthesizers alongside the more traditional rock and roll guitars was an inspired move. Along the way it flirts with cabaret, ballad, spoken word and Alice's signature creepy piano movements. If you only listen to one Alice Cooper album in your lifetime, I'd make damn sure it's WtMN.

Songs of Note: Devils Food; Black Widow (listen to them in that order)

5 refrigerator lights out of 5

ALICE COOPER / Welcome 2 My Nightmare (2011)

Alice's 26th album (yikes!) is a sequel to his masterpiece, Welcome to My Nightmare (1975). It's simultaneously camp and classy, and bursting at the seams with little nods to the original. He's always been diverse but this time he squeezes in Cabaret, Pop, Rock, Disco(?) and of course the creepy piano-driven nightmares he's so very good at. The Rolling Stones inspired single that he used to promote the album is one of the weaker tracks, so don't judge it by that alone.
It's fair to say that you'll get more of a kick out of it if you're familiar with the 1975 original, but it's sure to net him some new fans as well.

Songs of Note: The Underture; Last Man on Earth

4 theatrical old geezers out of 5